Ken and I had a good long talk today about moving away from the area. We would definitely stay until Elizabeth graduates from high school, because she has already had her share of moving to new schools and it’s difficult for her. Our last move affected her for over a year. Plus I need time to research other places for social services for people with autism.
Anyway, we were on the subject of “risk-taking”. The only risks I have ever taken were when I was, well…not myself. A symptom of bipolar disorder is doing risky things, usually bad things. In my case, I think they were probably a good thing rather than bad. The normal me is pretty scared to do anything drastic. One major risk I took while completely manic was to quit my full-time job and head for the Bahamas for a vacation, with no new job in sight. I had about a months’ wages saved. The reason that was a good thing was it got me out of a bad work situation that I’d been in for three years, too massively depressed to do anything but trudge to work and do a half-assed job every day. Then mania hit and WOOO….off I went. Definitely a good thing. I ended up with a job taking care of mentally retarded and autistic people, thereby giving me enough knowledge to, years later, take a look at my 2-year-old son and think,”He acts an awful lot like that autistic guy I who used to walk on his toes and flap his hands.”
Another risk was marriage, obviously. It’s a huge risk to take, to say,”I’m going to be with this person THE REST OF MY LIFE AND PROCREATE WITH THEM.” That turned out to be a winning risk, too, in my case I picked the right guy.
Ken has taken several risks. Many of them didn’t work out, and he tends to focus on those rather than seeing that at least he had the balls to try something new. Some people never do. One risk he took was running for union chairman, and he won, by a landslide. Twice. For 5 years, he had a job he enjoyed, even though it eventually ran his health into the ground. By the time people got disgruntled (doesn’t matter who you are…the “honeymoon” phase of an elected person ends)…he was ready to call it quits. Now he gets to enjoy people telling him they can’t stand the new chair and boy they wish he was back. Let’s just say I’m sure it gives him pleasure to say,”Don’t cry to me…YOU voted him in!”
But one risk I have never taken…and one Ken hasn’t taken…is to move away from the area.
The reason we never moved is simple…we both feel connection, and responsibility, to our parents. By the time we moved on and made our own life, we were stuck here due to the autism program the school had in place for K-8. Josh would not have done as well in a school with no program, he was flourishing, and even though the program was killed at the high school level, I can’t imagine a caseworker who works harder for her kids than his does. I still believe staying in the area was the right thing to do.
However, most of my friends have moved out of the area, except for a couple. My mother is gone, my father will be spending nearly half the year in AZ. He’d probably move where we moved anyway, or move next to my sister in WI. Ken’s folks may move back to SD, or they may stay here. Either way, they are understanding of kids moving away, because they did it, too.
The other reason we have to get serious is that there is literally next to no chance for Josh here. I have no wish to move any further north than we are now, and any state is better than Illinois for social services for autism. It’s #50 out of 50. We could move ANYWHERE and it would be better. California is #13. Arizona is #1. Wisconsin is #30. New York is #5. All better than #50.Now, those are just numbers. I’ve researched and just because a state is ranked #1 doesn’t mean it actually has great services for people with autism. A lot of people with adult children with autism gripe about the Phoenix area, even though it’s the #1 city for services for people with disabilities. Well, a lot of seniors go there for part of the year. Therefore they cater to the physically disabled, not the developmentally disabled. That would do us no good. What I am finding is that we really need to go to the BIG cities and surrounding areas. Not Chicago. But L.A., NYC, even Madison WI. But I think if we’re really honest with ourselves, it’s California we’d love to transplant ourselves. We shall see. I do know we’d meet with resistance from some people by doing that. I just don’t think we care anymore. Ken and I have almost always made big, risky decisions with others in mind, while watching friends and family move away from the area and be happier, and it’s time we made a decision for US.
It won’t be soon, but it will happen. I want to take a risk…a really, really, big risk, for once in our lives. We don’t make squat for money and never have, despite working really, really hard all our lives, so how could it be any worse? We can be poor here, or we can be poor where it doesn’t snow!
chiquie39 